FAILURE TO ADHERE TO THESE PROTOCOLS VOIDS ALL WARRANTIES, INSURANCE CLAIMS, BIOLOGICAL CONTINUATION GUARANTEES, AND YOUR MOTHER'S GOOD OPINION OF YOU.
1. MOUNTING PROTOCOLS
All TQ-Series compounds must be mounted using WYC-certified Pneumatic Bead Seaters operating at a minimum of 14 BAR. Use of non-certified equipment, including but not limited to: improvised tyre irons, kinetic hammers, large rocks, smaller vehicles, "just kicking it really hard" (see: Stoat Scavenger Syndicate Incident Report #441), or training a monkey to do it (see: Grease Monkies Patent Infringement Case #12), constitutes a terminal breach of your End User Agreement.
The bead-seat interface is engineered to withstand lateral forces of up to 12kN during standard Ram Attacks. Beyond this threshold, WYC classifies tyre separation as an "anticipated performance ceiling" rather than a product failure. We don't make the physics. We just sell you things that briefly defy them.
A brief note on the "Gentle Persuasion Method" popularised by the Trash-Panda Cartel, which involves heating the bead with a blowtorch while singing to it: this is not an approved mounting technique. It has never been an approved mounting technique. The fact that it works 60% of the time is, frankly, an embarrassment to our engineering department and we would appreciate it if everyone stopped talking about it.
2. CHASSIS TIER COMPATIBILITY
WYC operates a strict compatibility matrix between tyre compounds and chassis tiers. Mismatching a TQ-09 (Industrial Spec) tyre onto a Tier 1 (Commuter) chassis will result in catastrophic oversteer, structural buckling of the wheel arch, a brief existential crisis, and a strongly worded invoice from our legal department that somehow arrives before the crash has finished happening.
3. PRESSURE TOLERANCES
Operating pressures must remain within ±0.3 BAR of the WYC-specified optimal range. Over-inflation results in reduced contact patch, a 15% increase in spin-out probability, and a tyre that is essentially a very expensive balloon attached to a missile. Under-inflation causes excessive heat buildup in the sidewall, leading to what our engineers affectionately refer to as a "spontaneous rapid disassembly event" or, in layman's terms, "that thing where the tyre explodes and the driver says a very rude word."
WYC does not provide pressure monitoring equipment because, quite frankly, if we gave you all the information, you might make informed decisions, and our replacement parts division cannot sustain that kind of market disruption.
4. THE BOLT PATTERN CONSPIRACY (OFFICIAL WYC POSITION)
It has come to our attention that certain independent mechanics and "consumer advocates" (a term we use with visible air quotes) have alleged that WYC deliberately uses a proprietary bolt pattern incompatible with all other manufacturers' wheels. This is technically true. However, we prefer the term "ecosystem exclusivity." Apple does it. We do it. The only difference is our ecosystem occasionally catches fire.
Furthermore, the Stoat Scavenger allegation that our bolt pattern is "literally just the standard pattern rotated 7 degrees to be annoying" has been investigated by our internal review board, which found no evidence of wrongdoing, primarily because the internal review board is also rotated 7 degrees from standard regulatory alignment.
5. EMERGENCY WHEEL DETACHMENT SCENARIOS
In the unlikely event that a wheel detaches during operation (WYC Probability Classification: "Improbable But Entertaining"), the driver should:
Document ref: CI-PROTO-2088.7c. Weasel-Yutani Structural Integration Division. All chassis damage is user error. All user error is profitable. This is not a coincidence.