CONTACT ADMINISTRATION

We value your input, provided it aligns directly with our quarterly corporate objectives and does not in any way inconvenience, embarrass, or mildly irritate any member of the WYC executive board.

DEPARTMENT DIRECTORY

• Customer Complaints: If you have experienced a catastrophic failure of a Weasel-Yutani product, please direct your grievances to our automated kinetic incinerator. Alternatively, you may call our Customer Distress Hotline, which is staffed 24/7 by a recording of a man sighing heavily, followed by hold music that has been scientifically optimised to erode the human will to complain. Average hold time is four hours. The current record is nine days, set by a remarkably determined Stoat Scavenger who was eventually offered a 5% discount voucher and a firm handshake.
• Sponsorship Inquiries: For bulk orders or aggressive corporate acquisitions, please leave a message with our automated defence matrix. If your net worth exceeds 10 million credits, a human representative will contact you within 2 business days. If your net worth is below this threshold, your message will be archived in the same facility where we store the concept of "fair pricing" — untouched, unloved, and gathering dust.
• Media Relations: All press inquiries should be directed to our Director of Narrative Control, who will provide you with a carefully curated selection of statements that are technically true in the same way that "the Titanic completed most of its journey" is technically true. Unsolicited interview requests will be countered with unsolicited invoices.
• Legal Department: You do not contact our legal department. Our legal department contacts you. Usually at 3 AM. Usually about something you didn't realise you'd done. Their correspondence will be polite, thorough, and arrive with the emotional warmth of a glacier wearing a suit. Do not attempt to reply. Do not attempt to negotiate. Simply comply and hope they lose interest, like a predator that has spotted easier prey.
• Human Resources: If you are a current employee and wish to discuss workplace concerns, please submit a formal request using Form WY-7742b (available from the locked cabinet on the 14th floor, key available from the locked cabinet on the 3rd floor, key available from HR, which requires Form WY-7742b to access). This is not an error. This is by design. We find it discourages complaints.
• Lost Property: If you have lost an item on circuit premises, please describe the item, the approximate location of loss, and whether the item is likely to have become sentient during the interim period. Our Lost Property department is open Tuesdays, 2–3 PM, in a room that moves. Finding the room is considered the first stage of the claims process.

PHYSICAL ADDRESS

Weasel-Yutani Corporation Global Headquarters
Tower Omega, Level 77
The Spire District, Sector 1
(The building shaped like a tyre iron. You can't miss it. It was designed to be visible from low orbit, which our architect described as "a metaphor" and our CFO described as "a tax write-off.")

Visitors are welcome by appointment only. Appointments require a security screening, a DNA sample, a brief loyalty oath, and a minimum spend of 5,000 credits at the gift shop. The gift shop sells exclusively WYC-branded merchandise and one (1) very aggressive house plant that the receptionist insists "came with the building."

Please note: Response times may vary exponentially depending on your verified net worth, syndicate ranking, and whether or not our automated threat-assessment algorithm has classified your email as "amusing." Emails classified as "amusing" are forwarded to the executive break room for group reading. This is not a joke. It is corporate policy. Policy reference: WY-HUMOUR-001.